An Open Letter to the Amazing Race
I would love to take an opportunity to explain why Kristen and I are the contestants you never knew you needed…until now. I have compiled a list of reasons why you should drop everything, grab a martini and yell “We’ve got our ratings boosters” at an intern. I have checked my phone and it is working. I will await your call.
1. First things first: we are up to date on our shots and are not on the “no-fly” list. Obvi.
2. We have the support of Midwestern mothers and gays everywhere. You could say we are bi-partisan.
3. We are well acquainted at spotting and killing mosquitos.
4. We rep Brooklyn, hard. Without the irony.
5. We spend our days working with people who have intellectual disabilities to live limitless lives. We want people to know more about the population we serve.
6. We both have a signature dance move. We also have a choreographed ballet routine.
7. The struggle is real in our lives with regards to sequin chaffing.
8. We get along with everyone, except for clowns. We don’t like clowns.
9. I had to re-learn how to walk at 18. She was competing nationally in track at 18.
10. I was a choir nerd, which is funny to Kristen. We like to have operatic rap battles together.
11. She is Lisa Frank. I am Katy Gaga.
12. I am a vegetarian. She eats cow hearts.
13. I write blogs. She writes hashtags quoting Kanye lyrics.
14. Snoop Dogg told us we are his “fave”. We take this as the ultimate endorsement.
15. We have our own verb, #twinning. It is defined as: 1. To cause trouble in tandem without pre-meditation; 2. Mutual hilarity amplifiers; 3. To darken doorways spontaneously like friendly versions of the twins in The Shining.
16. Our biggest dilemma will be in what outfits we will wear and who gets to do what challenge. Anticipate a bloodbath.
I know, right? My mind is blown, too!
*Drops the Mic*,